i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
