i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
