I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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