I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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