She is in my trunk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize