6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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