i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
