i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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