i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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