don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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