i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize