ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
