Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
