I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
