It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
