I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
