jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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