He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
