I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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