Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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