i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
