Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
