Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
