dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
