New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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