Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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