UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
