Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
