i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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