im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
