He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
