Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
