I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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