The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
