dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A+ Viking dick
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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