my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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