Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
