I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
