An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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