I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
