Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
