if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
