oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
