so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
