I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
