just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
