My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
