hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
