was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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