They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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