His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
