i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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