Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
