Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
