end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
