Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
