Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
