I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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