Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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