I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
