I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
