i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
