i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
